The War Within

For about a week now, I have been particularly wrestling with pride. It's not the usual small offense kind of stuff, but the big/frustrating stuff. In the past, it's the kind of pride that gave birth to resentment and divisive walls. Good thing I have some tools to recognize it now.

While running the past couple of days the Lord has guided me through my feelings like never before. Maybe it's the other way around. I allowed the Lord to guide me through my feelings like never before. A few things in my life (lately) have hurt my feelings, offended me, and have caused me to choose a higher road than before.

I could get offended and react like a child, or I could calm down, talk it through, and move on. Well, duh, you know the one I chose. I asked the Lord why I was hurting so much about these recent offenses. The impression I got was that I still have rather substantial chunks of pride: entitlements and rights. Pursuing humility is a lifelong occurrence, but lately it has been painful. It reminds me of when a pick axe is needed to break up hard ground. I feel like I'm the rock.

It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me. I must repeat this frequently. I'm not on earth to showcase myself, or demand my usefulness. It shouldn't be where God has to align with me or I throw a tantrum. I must daily pray that I put on a robe of humility and simply make myself available to what GOD is doing. I'm here to serve. I'm here to serve. I'm here to serve. The Lord very much wants to break of the rocks of my pride. I will let Him. I love Him. He loves me.

Jason