Stapp Lyrics (for my pale friends)

Broken

Why are we overcome with fear?
What if I told you that fear isn't real.
Why are we overcome with death?
What if I told you my friends your doubt
You could live without!
There is a question
I want to understand
Why can't everyone tell the truth and learn to love again
Do you know...what it feels like to be broken and used
Scared and confused
Yes I know
One more question...I know time is dear
Is what the world speaks of love really real?
The answers not of this world but very clear
Look above to find love and you found eternal life
Street corner preachers you've heard before
Friendly advice just gets thrown out the door
There is a question that I want to understand
Why can't everyone tell the truth...and learn to love again
Do you know...what it feels like to be broken and used?
Scared and confused
Yes I know...what it feels like to be broken and used
Scared and confused
Yes I know I'm Broken!

Moving beyond OCD

If you didn't know, I have "struggled" with OCD since the age of 6. I won't bore you with each and every habit/tick/compulsion, but I'd like to touch on spelling and grammar. For the most part, through emotional healing and new habits, have been OCD "free-er." Some find OCD to be some cool thing; I find it to be tortuous and tiring (a prison of sorts).

I recently started notcing that people are catching my misspellings. Normally, this would be something that irritated me greatly. It would mean that I hadn't checked enough and put out an imperfect product (old thinking pattern). Now, I kind of chuckle when someone points out my spelling mistake, because I really don't care. This is a good sign. Not that I'd become illiterate or "dumb-down" but to allow myself the freedom to type what comes to mind and hit the submit button without obsessing (10-12 times I would check my comment/e-mail), then save as a draft, then repeat, then repeat, then repeat, then repeat. Ugh. I won't even get into how many things I used to count in my head, and how many times I had to check my alarm at night or if my car had been alarmed/locked.

Anyway, I don't want to obsess about not obsessing as much. Emotional healing was the key for me, along with speaking scriptures of peace over myself-- with regards to OCD. There's no formula, but I'd recommend, every time, that inner-healing helps with those struggling with OCD. If you notice that I've misspelled something or my grammar is off-- feel free to let me know. I'm past the pull it once had. :>)

Names (inspired by Lou on Sunday)

Jason = Healer

Russell = Red Head

Bennett = Blessed

Healer Red Head Blessed

Yours?

The Practical

Went on a 40 mt. run, then a 10 mt. walk. Man, was it hot today. During my run, I had some thoughts about how to meet the practical needs of our church community and local communities. I pondered ideas on how we'd make it an easy way for someone to ask for help. Many have needs and we all have certain skills/talents. The need and the solution are in place. We need a delivery system for making it all come together. This help and service is an exploding opportunity full of possibilities.

Jason

Back in the Saddle

Went for a slow 30 mt. jog at lunch, then walked for about 10 mts. The weather was great-- a little hot though. I was so happy to be running again. Felt a little tightness in my quads, but other than that I felt great. I've met some goals and I'm pretty happy about that. 7 mos. ago I posted some goals on "Gathering Place." To name a few: 1) Get under 200 lbs.--now 190. 2) Run a 4:40 marathon-- ran 4:40. 3) Run the marathon continuously (no walk ratios)-- made it to mile 22 before I had to walk. That makes me very happy. Looks like I need some new goals.

I've had plenty of time to reflect on the marathon and I've basically come up with a couple things: 1) Stick to the plan-- even 20-30 seconds faster per mile will cause problems (bonk). 2) I truly thrive when I'm competing. 3) The Reno Marathon is sub-par.

New Goals:

1. Run Napa Valley Marathon in March 2008.


2. Weigh 180 lbs. by March 2008.


3. Run Napa Valley Marathon in 4 hours or faster.

Jason

I got friends in low places....

I was running with optimal energy and enthusiasm on Sunday (marathon day). I was well on my way to a 4:10 marathon. I wasn't breathing hard, and just had little hints of quad fatigue. I ran through the mile 20 marker like it was mile 5. I knew in the back of my mind that I had pushed the pace a little too much and wondered at what point the concrete wall that falls from the sky would hit. Well, apparently, I ran head-first into the concrete wall at 22 miles. This is 4.2 miles from the finish line.

In order to describe how the wall felt and how my core being dealt with it, I'll need to describe it in the form of characters/parts/alter-egos:

Friend #1 (the elite athlete): "Push, push, push. Stop whining and hang-in. This is where the men are separated from the boys. Suck it up! Keep the pace. One foot in front of the other. You didn't work this hard to quit now."

Friend #2 (the quitter/wuss extraordinare): "You're done. Finished. Quit. Stop. Lay down on the pavement, now! You're going to get seriously hurt if you continue. You've blown it and you need to admit it and quit. This is too painful and self-abuse."

Friend #3 (the encourager): "See, you're just an overweight, balding guy trying to prove something. You can't be a good distance runner. You still weigh 190 lbs. and have man-boobs. Give it up. Go back to couch duty and give this running stuff up."

Friend #4 (the diplomat): "Modify the approach by slowing down and taking walk-breaks. You may not make your goal, but it'll be okay and you'll still finish with a personal best. No need to get extreme here."

I found myself in a situation where I was questioning my character. It rocked the foundation of my mental capabilities. As I hit the final stretch to the finish line, I got a sudden rush of delirium and ran pretty fast for about 100 yards. I should have pretended that the finish line was just a 100 yards away for 4 miles. ;>)

Anyway, I'm glad it's over. I'm glad I did well. I'm glad that I'm alive. I will do better next time. That's just how I roll. Thanks for your prayers.

Jason

Day 2 (Marathon Countdown)

Walked for about 15 mts., today. The sun was shining, and then the hail started. It was an unusual feeling to be walking in sunlight while getting pelted by hail balls. Gotta love how wind can do cool things.

I'm enjoying the increase in carbs, but sure am feeling sluggish. Seems counter-intuitive, but the carb-loading will pay-off on Sunday.

Jason

Day 3 (Marathon Countdown)

Walked for 30 mts., today. Put my running shoes on and walked in my business attire. Had to wear a sweatshirt and needed the hood, because the wind was biting a bit on the cab doors. I saw my buddy (retarded guy that walks really fast, with headphones, singing loudly, and lifting hand weights as he walks), like every day. My legs are starting to get "that" feeling. It's a feeling you get when your legs are storing extra carbs/glycogen and the muscles start feeling like springs.

I enjoyed the view overlooking Sparks/Reno. Sometimes, I forget to look when I'm running. Enjoying the scenery, no matter the occasion, is good for the soul.



Jason

Day 4 (Marathon Countdown)

Did a 4-miler at lunch, today. Ran 10:08 miles and felt great. The weather was a bit chillier and I really enjoyed it. In addition to the cooler weather, I really took notice to the wonderful smell of honeysuckle. The running path has lots of honeysuckle plants all along it. Honeysuckle is my favorite smelling flower.

My boss was out running at the same time. She passed me going out and coming in (meaning: she started later than I did, passed me, ran farther, and passed me on the way back). It took some effort for me to stay at my slow taper pace, because I really wanted to race her. She does triathlons and is in great shape. I'll have to save triathlon training for next year or so. It sounds like a lot of fun.

Jason

Day 5 (Marathon Countdown)

Ran 3 at lunch, today. I was totally melting. Averaged a comfortable 9:50 mile. After how much I sweated, you'd think I ran for 2 hours. I really do prefer cold weather over hot. Hot weather makes me tired and irritable.

Anyway, another day closer to the marathon. So I don't accidentally hurt myself, I will be teaching the Bird how to mow the lawn, tonight. I love the week before the marathon.

Jason